


Knowing Is Not Living

by AetherSprite (AranthianPrincess)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Then fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 22:49:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10931649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AranthianPrincess/pseuds/AetherSprite
Summary: Tony has had “the Sight” since before he understood what it really was: a curse, a burden. He knew what these people would mean to him and how those feelings would tear him apart one day. Somehow, the knowing didn't quite prepare him for living these events.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank ficlicious for such inspirational art. I couldn't have pulled this fic together without you. That scene just sprouted an idea that gathered more ideas like a snowball rolling downhill. I just ran with it and this is the result.
> 
> Also used as inspiration:  
> “Fall for You” by Secondhand Serenade

_I remember my first experience with the Sight. I was four and I had just finished building my first circuit board. Mother insisted I play with her friend's daughter who had visited that day. It was an annoyance, of course, but she dragged me to the sitting room and introduced us. I can't explain the sudden dread that engulfed me when I laid eyes on her._

_She was about my age, blonde and blue-eyed. By all accounts, she looked like a sweet, innocent little girl around my age. Admittedly, not on my level intelligence-wise, but she spoke well and was very curious about me and my projects. I tried to tell Mother how the girl made me feel, but she wouldn't listen to me and sent us off to entertain ourselves. I spent the day with her and that feeling of dread never left, not even for a second._

_We saw each other sparingly over the years, mostly when her mother visited mine, and I felt that same dread every time. Just after my parents' funeral, that girl was the first person to attempt an aggressive takeover of Stark Industries. I managed to stop her and all those who came after her, but that first meeting as children kept burrowing it's way into my thoughts. I knew it meant something, but what?_

_There were others too. Mother always made me feel equally warm and sad. Father came with a sense of inferiority, incompetence, and anger. It wasn't until their deaths that I realized those feelings were mostly gone. That they had faded dramatically when they were no longer there. I still felt them, but it was Mother who tipped me off to the truth. Why would I have felt sad around her when she was alive? She'd always made me happy. Of course, now when I think of her, I remember her death and it saddens me. Somehow, long before it ever happened, I knew my own mother would bring me sadness._

_I learned to trust these unexplained feelings as I grew older. If I really paid attention, I could sense the general “mood” of my surroundings, mostly if someplace was dangerous or not. I could also sense if people were worth getting to know or not. That's how I came to be friends with Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy. I could tell that they wouldn't be put off by me and a vague sense of guilt floated around them all. I didn't know then that that guilt would be mine for failing them. If I had, I never would have let them, or the team, as close as I did._

_That was why, when I met Agent for the first time, I tried to keep him at a distance. I knew something bad was going to happen and I would carry the guilt with me for the rest of my life. It didn't matter. We lost him anyway. This is one of the cases that make me wish I still drank._

_Natasha was an interesting case. I knew the moment I met her that she wasn't who she claimed to be. I let her stay because I was curious and I knew she didn't mean me or mine harm. She had a vague feeling of helpfulness and I sensed far-off loyalty in her. I'm still waiting for that to kick in. She certainly didn't seem very loyal recently._

_I liked Bruce from the beginning. Not only had I read about his work, but I could tell he and I had a similar personality. No, he isn't anywhere near as energetic and loud as I am, but we both have that single-minded focus on our work. It was familiar in a way little had been for years._

_Then there was Thor. Thor threw me for a loop when we met. I could sense his nobility and bravery immediately, which led me to lower my guard just that little bit too much. I recovered well, if I do say so myself. And now I've seen that nobility and courage firsthand. I am glad to have him on our side, though I do wonder how he would have reacted to the civil war. Maybe if Thor had been around the situation might not have devolved so quickly and violently._

_Speaking of quick and violent, I'm still impressed by Clint's skill in taking out the Helicarrier during the Loki incident. I wonder how the Sight would have interpreted him under Loki's mind-control. I guess I'll never know, not that I would ever ask him to relive that. I might not have been mind-controlled, but I remember my time in Afghanistan and my own lack of free will all too well. It may not be the same, but it was enough to give me a feeling of kinship with Clint. That, and the trustworthy, steadfast feeling I got from him thanks to the Sight. I might have quietly threatened several people who wanted to shove Clint into a secret prison somewhere never to be heard from again. An angry Iron Man is nothing to sneeze at, but an angry Tony Stark seems to put shadowy bureaucrats in their place even faster._

_And Steve. Steve was both the best and the worst of them all..._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Tony could feel the moment his body tipped past the point where he could keep himself upright and gravity took over, slamming him to the ground, armor and all. The armor rang out as it landed, sounding like the iron for which he was named. Steve followed him down, going to one knee and slamming the shield into Tony's chest. Vibranium met gold-titanium alloy with a sickening crunch, the shield carving a jagged line in the arc reactor.

He could feel the suit grow instantly heavier as it lost power, impairing his movement. All Tony could do was lie there, staring up at Steve, who had gone blurry at the edges, and another figure walking away. Tony must have hit his unprotected head when he fell. Not that it mattered. His addled brain had just enough time to cry out in shocked disbelief before he passed out.

_How could my Soul Mate do this to me?_


	2. The Story

“You let them get away, Stark, and now you're going to find them. Captain America is a fugitive and you're going to bring him and his team in.”

Tony propped his head up on his arm, trying and failing to focus on what Ross was saying for more than a couple seconds at a time. Not that he needed to. Ross, like all paper-pushers, was predictable.

“Sure thing, Ross. I've got my best girl on it. We'll track them down,” Tony said, injecting as much enthusiasm into his voice as possible. Something told him Ross wasn't buying it.

“You had better or it'll be you warming a cot on the raft,” Ross threatened and disconnected the line.

“Shall I begin searching for Captain America, boss?” Friday asked.

“Yeah, but send Ross and his cronies false data.”

“Boss?”

“Don't tell him where Steve really is,” Tony reiterated. “I'm not letting him or any of those bastards get their hands on Steve... or the others. Make sure you keep a copy of the accurate data on a secure server and make sure I'm the only one who has access to it.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Friday said. “Shall I alert you once I've found him?”

“No.”

Tony left her to her work and went upstairs to his bed. It had been a long several weeks and he was exhausted.

~*~*~*~*~

Natasha stared at Tony's firmly closed door. He'd been spending increasingly more time in his room. According to Friday he was spending that time either sleeping or just lying there, staring at nothing. This behavior worried her. Tony Stark did not act like this, depressed and lethargic. Tony Stark had endless reserves of manic energy and he wasn't afraid to show it. Something was wrong.

“I know you're out there, Natasha. You might as well come in and get whatever it is off your chest,” Tony called from inside.

Natasha raised an eyebrow, even though she knew only Friday would be able to see it, and did as bid. She opened the door and slipped inside, closing it behind her. Tony lay in bed on his side with his back facing the door. He sat up when she came in, turning to face her, legs crossed. Natasha could see how exhausted and haggard he looked even in the near darkness of his room. The only light came from around closed curtains and the crack under the door. If she didn't know better, she'd think he hadn't been sleeping.

“What's wrong with you?” Natasha demanded.

“Straight to the point, huh? No beating around the bush?” Tony quipped, but she could tell his heart wasn't in it. Natasha just waited, knowing eventually he would spill the beans when the silence grew too uncomfortable.

Except he didn't. Tony just sat there staring at her, his eyelids drooping. Once, he even dozed off and teetered on the edge of falling off the bed before jerking himself back into wakefulness. Throughout it all, he never made a sound. Finally, Natasha caved.

“You had better tell me, Tony.”

“Or what, Natasha? What are you going to do?” Tony asked, sounding like he would be curious if he could muster the energy.

Deciding now was the time if ever there was one, Natasha went to him and knelt at Tony's feet, placing her hands on his where the rested on his knees. She looked up at him, making her eyes as soft as she could, which wasn't very. There was no fully hiding the steel in her. When she spoke, her voice was just as soft as her eyes.

“Tony,” she said, waiting until he met her eyes. “I'm your friend. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you.”

Tony just laughed bitterly. “I think I'm beyond that now, but I appreciate the thought.”

Natasha decided to try a different tack, switching topics without hesitation. “Friday told me Ross wants you to track down Steve and the others.”

“Yeah, he said something about that.”

“Did you find them?”

Tony paused, gaze wandering to the ceiling as if he was trying to recall the information she wanted. Eventually he shook his head.

“I don't know. Friday?”

“I have tracked Captain America and his team to central Europe, boss. They don't stay in one place very long, but they haven't yet ranged outside that geographical region. Shall I continue sending Secretary Ross false information?”

Natasha raised an eyebrow at Tony, who only shrugged.

“Yeah, Friday. Keep sending false leads. Make sure they don't get anywhere near Cap.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

“Tony,” Natasha repeated. Tony met her eyes more slowly this time. “Why are you protecting them?”

“I'm sentimental. Sue me,” Tony said.

His eyes darted away from hers for just a second, but she saw the object they focused on. An older model cell phone sitting on his nightstand. Natasha had never seen it before, but it must mean something to Tony if he kept the outdated device so close.

“Boss?” Friday interrupted.

“Not now, Friday,” Tony said, sighing and letting his head fall forward. Natasha could see his eyes had closed.

“Sorry, boss, but Secretary Ross is on the line. He is demanding more accurate results in the search for the fugitives.”

Tony's face took on a pinched expression. “Tell him I am doing the best I can and if he doesn't like it he's more than welcome to try on his own.”

Friday was silent for a moment, presumably doing as Tony said, before she came back with Ross' answer.

“Secretary Ross was not satisfied with that answer and has given you one week to find the fugitives or you will be arrested and sent to the Raft,” Friday relayed. “Sorry, boss.”

Tony just sighed again. “It's not your fault, Friday. Go silent for a couple days then send him another false lead. After that, go dark. No communication at all. Understood?”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Natasha watched him for a moment. “Are you sure you know what you're doing, Tony?”

“Don't I always?” He replied with a tired smirk. Natasha wasn't so sure.

“Tell me you plan to fight this, or at least run.”

“Nope.”

Then he apparently decided he was through with the conversation and laid back down, turning his back to her. Natasha knew she wouldn't be able to get anything more out of him, so she left, mind working to come up with a plan to protect Tony from himself.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Natasha managed to strike a brief alliance with Friday as step one of her plan. Then she waited for Friday to tell her when Tony had fallen asleep again. It didn't take long before she was sneaking back into his room, moving like a shadow to the nightstand where the outdated cell phone lay. Tony faced away from her, not moving a muscle from the time she entered until she silently closed the door behind her.

She walked down the hall to her own room, securing her door against any surprise visits. Only when she determined she wouldn't be disturbed did Natasha flip the phone open and browse through the contacts list. There wasn't much to browse through. Only one contact had been programmed into the phone. It was only a number listed under “A friend” instead of an actual name.

Needs must. Natasha hit the call button and held the phone to her ear. It rang five times before the line finally connected. She didn't know who she expected to be on the other end, but the voice that answered was definitely low on her list.

“Tony? Are you okay?”

“Steve.”

Steve went silent for a moment, whether working through his shock at hearing a voice other than Tony's or trying to decipher her identity Natasha didn't bother to care about.

“Natasha. I wasn't expecting you,” he said.

“I'm sure you weren't since I'm calling from the phone you sent Tony.”

“So he knows you're using it?”

“Not at all,” Natasha said nonchalantly. “You need to come back, Steve. Immediately.”

Steve didn't answer for several long moments. Finally, he sighed, sounding tired. “I'm sorry, Natasha, but you know as well as I do that I can't come back right now. I'm a fugitive. We all are.”

“Bring them back too.”

“I can't. I won't let them end up tossed in the Raft again,” Steve said firmly.

Natasha allowed the silence between them to linger enough for a dramatic pause before continuing quietly. “So you would let Tony go instead?”

“What are you talking about? Tony's on their side. They wouldn't throw him behind bars,” Steve said, adding on an afterthought. “I wouldn't put it past him to be helping them track us down. Honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't yet.”

“You're half right, Steve,” Natasha said. That gave Steve pause.

“What do you mean?”

“Tony knows exactly where you are, or Friday does.”

She could sense Steve's furrowed brow in his voice. “If he knows where we are, why haven't we been captured yet?”

Natasha wanted badly to roll her eyes, but allowing her professionalism to slip even in private did not bode well when she had to rely on that same professionalism in the field.

“Come on, Steve. You're a smart guy. Why do you think you aren't sitting in the Raft right now?” Steve didn't say anything. “Steve?”

“It doesn't make sense, Natasha,” he said quietly.

“You sent him a phone, Steve. With only your number programmed into it. You wouldn't have done that if you thought he might use it against you.”

“Natasha, stop beating around the bush and get to the point,” Steve demanded, starting to sound irritated. “You must have called for a reason other than to analyze my every thought and action.”

She thought about pushing Steve further in the hope he would figure it out for himself, but decided speed was a little more necessary at this point.

“Tony has been lying to his superiors about your location and now they're going to throw him in the Raft by the end of the week if he doesn't give them accurate information.”

“He should be fine then since he knows where I am.”

“Steve,” Natasha said, carefully enunciating each syllable. “Tony ordered Friday to lie to them again and then go dark. He's going to let them take him.”

“Come on, Natasha. Tony means well, but he's not the martyr type,” Steve said.

“You and I both know that isn't true, Steve. Or did you forget our first battle together as a team?”

Steve sighed. “You're right. Of course you are. But what do you expect me to do?”

“I expect you to come back and either talk some sense into him or, failing that, protect him from himself.”

“No matter how much I want to be there for him, there's still the matter of my fugitive status. How do you expect me to get around that?”

Natasha smiled for the first time in months. “Easy. Tony's already done that for you. No one is going to be looking for you to be leaving central Europe and you'd have to be crazy to try to enter the U.S. right now.”

Steve let out a short, sharp laugh. “He really did know where we were, didn't he?”

“I told you he did.”

“I'm on my way.”

“Bring the others too,” Natasha said. “I think it's time we mend fences.”

“I'll ask them to come, but I won't force them,” Steve said. He sounded distracted, like he was half a second from hanging up the phone and hightailing it out of wherever he was holed up.

“And, Steve?”

Steve paused to focus all his attention on her again. “Yeah?”

“Hurry.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

He didn't make it.

Natasha chose not to fight Ross and his small army when they invaded the Tower, more at Tony's insistence than anything else. Tony allowed them to drag him out in cuffs.

The next day Natasha met Steve, Clint, and Sam on what used to be the Avengers common floor with the bad news. She told them how she feared he wouldn't survive long in the Raft.

“He looked half dead already. I don't know what's wrong with him and he wouldn't tell me.”

“I'm going to get him back,” Steve declared, like it was a fact and not a desperate wish. Natasha smiled.

“I was hoping you'd say that.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Tony let them drag him to his new home, which amounted to a cell with three walls and some kind of clear plastic he knew he wouldn't be able to shatter no matter how hard he tried as a door. Not that he planned on trying to escape. Exhaustion dragged at him, though he couldn't quite figure out why. He'd been like this since his last fight with Steve. Maybe that was it.

“Mr. Stark, as per Secretary Ross' orders, you will remain here until you agree to help us,” the guard said. Tony gave him a look.

“So far, this stint in captivity is much better than my last experience and I think you remember how that one went,” he said.

The guard didn't react except to shut and secure the door. Tony just lay down on the metal ledge he assumed was meant to be used as a bed. The cool steal against his exposed skin made him shiver, but he closed his eyes anyway and ignored it. He might as well settle in since he didn't plan to cave to Ross' demands and would likely never see the light of day again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Tony didn't know how much time had passed since he was first tossed into his cell on the Raft. There were no windows and the whole facility spent most of its time underwater, so telling time proved difficult without a clock or watch, neither of which they allowed him. Not surprising. No, the real surprise was that no one had visited him yet to threaten, cajole, or bargain with him to get what they wanted.

Based on previous experience, Tony expected at least a nameless goon to come by once a day to ask if he'd changed his mind yet, if not the full half-drowning him until he caved strategy. But, no, there had been nothing. Tony was left mostly alone. He did remember a couple deliveries of food, but he didn't bother eating. His stomach rebelled at the mere thought. Tony did see the guard who removed his last uneaten meal give him a hard look. He likely reported Tony's uncooperative behavior to his superiors, but no one had come to confront him about it yet.

The Raft was a quiet place, despite housing the world's most dangerous criminals. One might suspect dangerous also equaled violent, but Tony's experience suggested that either the inmates were particular well behaved, didn't care, or the soundproofing between cells was extraordinary. The soundproofing theory was shot one day when the klaxons went off, throwing the entire place into a controlled panic.

Guards abandoned their patrols at the first sounding of alarms. Running to their emergency posts, Tony presumed. In the back of his mind, Tony thought that wasn't smart. Someone should still be watching the prisoners. Why else would someone break into a prison, if not to get to the prisoners? He knew of at least one instance of that same thing occurring in the very prison in which he was held. Did these people never learn?

Tony ignored the commotion and stared up at the ceiling. Even if he stood on the ledge and stretched as much as he could, he still wouldn't be able to reach it. It probably helped to keep inmates from hanging themselves. Of course, Tony didn't see anything he could use as rope even if he wanted to hang himself. Maybe they liked the “freedom forever out of reach” metaphor.

A commotion outside his cell stole his attention away from idle contemplation. A few stray guards who had wandered back or retreated toward the cells went down hard, leaving only a very muscular man in street clothes standing. Another figure, smaller than his companion and also in street clothes, crouched next to his cell. They felt familiar, but Tony couldn't see their faces. A faint echo of happiness and kinship came to him, but he couldn't tell which feeling came from which person or if they came from both.

Just as Tony was going to give up trying to figure out this confusing sequence of events, the door to his cell opened and the first man stepped inside, a man he thought he'd never see again.

“Come on, Tony,” Steve said, beckoning him forward. “It's time to go.”

Tony managed to sit up and just stared. Surely this was a hallucination. Steve wouldn't be here. Not for him.

“Tony, let's go. We don't have much time before they catch us all,” Steve urged when he didn't move.

“What's going on, Cap? Get him and let's get out of here,” the man still outside the cell said. Clint. “We don't have all day.”

“He's just staring at me,” Steve said over his shoulder. “I don't know what's wrong with him.”

“What?” Clint stood and stepped around Steve to get a better look. Tony allowed his gaze to switch to him. “That is really creepy. You can carry him, can't you? Just toss him over your shoulder and let's go.”

“He's not a sack of potatoes, Clint!”

Tony almost cracked a smile at that. Steve sounded indignant at the very thought.

“Then what do we do? He's just sitting there staring at us.”

Steve studied Tony for a minute, but his gaze was unfocused, thinking. Suddenly, he pressed his fingers to his ear and began speaking quickly.

“Widow. I need you at Iron Man's cell. He's unresponsive. Hawkeye is on his way to relieve you.”

Clint left without a word, presumably to carry out Steve's implied orders. The klaxons rang around them, punctuated by the far-off sounds of fighting. Neither Steve nor Tony spoke. Steve didn't even look at him, too busy watching their surroundings for more stray guards. Then Natasha was there, springing up like a shadow suddenly given form. She wore street clothes as well, but, unlike the others, had chosen an all black ensemble as close to her catsuit as possible.

“What's wrong, Cap?” She said as soon as he focused his attention on her. Steve just gestured to Tony.

“I don't know what's wrong with him,” he said.

“What do you expect I can do?”

“I'm hoping a familiar face will help. See if you can talk him out of it.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, but did as asked while Steve went back to being lookout. She walked over and knelt next to him.

“Hey, Tony,” she said quietly, a teasing quirk to her mouth. “You awake in there?”

“Back again?” Tony asked. Natasha frowned.

“'Again?' Tony, this is the first time I've talked to you.”

Steve cast them a worried glance over his shoulder, but otherwise ignored their exchange.

“No, it's not. You tried to interrogate me at the Tower. Losing your touch?”

Natasha smirked. “I'll have you know, I'm the best interrogator SHIELD ever had. I got all the information out of you I needed.”

“Really?” Tony asked, genuinely curious.

“I got Steve back here, didn't I?”

Tony looked between her and Steve a couple times, trying to sort out what he was feeling. There was burning happiness and freezing depression. That dulled when he looked away from Steve even as the fire slowly melted the ice. When he focused on Natasha he could feel that loyalty he remembered sensing so far away before. Now it felt close enough that he only had to reach out to touch it. He did.

Natasha grabbed his hand and pulled him upright, handing him off to Steve almost immediately.

“Here ya go, Cap. Take him and let's get out of here.”

Steve did, pulling Tony's arm around his shoulders and wrapping his own arm around Tony's waist. He pressed his fingers to the comm in his ear again, ordering the Avengers back to the quinjet. Tony stumbled along at his side, distracted by the heat engulfing him. The Sight. He could feel it clearly again. He hadn't even realized how dulled it had gotten after losing Steve. Everything was going to be alright.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Tony supposed he should be grateful his former teammates hadn't jumped him the second they got to a safe house. Of course, he insisted on swinging by the Tower first because there was no way he was leaving Friday or the armor behind. He grabbed his latest armor incarnation complete with Friday uploaded. When no one was looking, he made sure to pack Captain America's shield too.

Now the old team was together again, mostly. Only Thor and Bruce were still missing and Sam had joined them. Tony didn't bother asking where the other new members of the team had got to. He assumed they had either gone off on their own or hadn't had any interest in coming to his aid, not that he could blame them for that last one.

Natasha had directed them to a safe house she knew and everyone had left him alone for a day. Tony wasn't even surprised when Steve was the one they sent in to confront him. Steve was known for his bullheaded stubbornness, a good match for Tony's own stubborn streak. If anyone could wear him down eventually, it would be Steve.

“Natasha said you've been acting weird,” Steve began after cornering him in the little side room Tony had claimed as his own.

“Sounds like you've been getting tips from her on interrogating teammates,” Tony said instead of answering the implied accusation.

“We're worried about you, Tony.”

“I appreciate the thought, but I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself.”

Steve narrowed his eyes at him. “Yes, judging by the state we found you in and Natasha's report from before your arrest, you've been doing a great job at that.”

“Geez, no need for the sarcasm, Cap.”

“Then tell me what's wrong with you.”

Steve crossed his arms over his chest and took up a position between Tony and the only exit from the room. He looked to be settling in for the long haul. Tony sighed and turned his back on Steve. If he had to admit this, then he didn't want to look Steve in the eye when he did it. The Sight hadn't failed him yet, but telling people about it still scared him. Maybe it was time to take a chance.

“Do you know the stories about people who can sense how other people fit into their lives?” Tony asked. He cringed inwardly at the timidity in his voice.

“You mean the Sight? I knew someone who had it. She said it was weird, but helpful.”

“Let me guess: Peggy.”

Tony could tell Steve was frowning even without seeing it for himself. “How did you know?”

“She was the one who first told me I wasn't crazy when I told her about the girl Mother wanted me to be friends with and how she made me uncomfortable,” Tony said.

Steve didn't say anything for too long. Tony almost turned around to make sure he hadn't left in a fit of disbelief. Then Steve finally spoke. “Tony, do you have the Sight?”

“I do.”

“Why didn't you tell us?”

“You didn't need to know,” Tony said matter-of-factly.

“'Didn't need to-' We were your team, Tony! Of course we needed to know,” Steve said.

“Why? It wouldn't have done you any good.”

“There are any number of reasons, Tony! What if one of us ended up betraying you? Or if we weren't who we pretended to be? Or if we were mind-controlled?”

Tony turned to face Steve now, who looked especially earnest, arms at his sides and leaning forward to impress upon Tony the seriousness of his argument.

“Alright. One, I don't know that the Sight can pick up on mind-control. I never came across Clint while he was under Loki's influence and he's the only one I know who has been mind-controlled. Two, Natasha worked for me under false pretenses for weeks, which I knew the entire time. I also knew she didn't mean to hurt me and she ended up helping to stop the guy who did. Three, you, Steve, are the only one who's betrayed me recently. And you know what? I knew you would from the moment I met you and I couldn't believe my Soul Mate would do that to me.”

Tony snapped his jaw shut hard when his ears caught up to his mouth and he realized what he'd just said. He only just barely resisted the urge to clap a hand over his mouth or turn away and ignore Steve's presence. Instead, he stared Steve down.

“'Soul Mate?' I'm your Soul Mate?” Steve croaked out.

Tony didn't say anything. He couldn't, but Steve didn't seem to need him too.

He stared, wide-eyed. “You knew all this time?”

Tony couldn't look at him anymore. Instead, he thoroughly examined the floor. “I did.”

“Why didn't you tell me, Tony?”

Tony flinched involuntarily at the sadness in Steve's voice. “Do you really think it would have made a difference?”

“But...”

“There are no but's, Cap,” Tony said. “It's just the way it was meant to be.”

“You don't really believe that. It's not like you.”

And Tony was suddenly angry, the emotion flaring into life like a fire sparked by lightning. “How would you know what I do and don't believe? Or even what's like me or isn't? You spent all your time since I met you choosing something or someone else over me! But since you're so interested in what I do and don't believe, I'll tell you one. I don't believe you ever cared about me one way or the other!”

Tony wanted so badly to storm out of the room and slam the door. Or, better yet, kick Steve out of his room and slam the door in his face. Unfortunately, Tony couldn't do either, Steve being the super soldier he was and quite the formidable wall when he wanted to be.

“Tony, no, that's not true,” Steve protested.

“Oh, really?” Tony shot back. “We just fought a war because you were chasing after Bucky!”

“We fought over the Sokovia Accords!”

“And Bucky had nothing to do with it?”

“Leave Bucky out of this, Tony! You don't know what you're talking about!”

“You left me unconscious in Siberia to go with him!” Tony screamed. He could feel his chest heaving with the heavy, panting breaths he was taking.

Steve hesitated, all the fight draining out of him. He slowly walked toward Tony, holding out his hand like Tony was some frightened animal easily spooked into fleeing.

“Tony, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you there like that. I can't excuse it and I'm not going to try,” Steve said. His fingers brushed against Tony's arm and Tony couldn't decide if he wanted to lean into the touch or flinch away from it. He just shook his head.

“The Sight is never wrong. I knew the second I met you that you were my Soul Mate and I loved you, Steve. I know I've screwed up, but I tried. I tried so hard,” Tony said quietly.

“I know, Tony,” Steve reassured, hugging Tony to him. “I wish I'd known about all this before so you wouldn't have had to go through all of it alone. You don't have to, you know.. I am here for you.”

“Talk is cheap, Steve. Actions hold the real meaning,” Tony said. The implication that Steve hadn't been there hung heavy in the air around them, but Tony didn't pull away from Steve. He felt too drained by his experiences to reject comfort, even from Steve.

“I know, but I'm going to prove it to you. Starting now, I'm never leaving your side.”

Tony laughed. “Now you're just being ridiculous.”

“Is that a good thing?” Steve asked lightly.

Tony thought for a minute. “It might be. I'm too tired to figure it out right now.”

“Sounds like you need to get some sleep. Time for bed,” Steve said, pulling away from him.

Tony refused to let him go, not ready to be alone after these revelations. His fingers curled into Steve's shirt, keeping Steve from leaving.

“Tony?”

“Stay. Please?”

Steve studied his face for what felt like an eternity to Tony, but he must have found what he was looking for because he nodded his agreement and stopped trying to leave.

“Alright. Come on.”

Tony led Steve to his bed in the corner and waited until Steve sat down on it before crawling in himself. His bed was pushed up against the wall and Tony nudged Steve until he got the hint and laid down closest to the wall. Tony curled up against him, pillowing his head on Steve's chest.

They lay that way for a long time and Tony began to grow restless, fidgeting incessantly. He couldn't manage to fall asleep no matter how tired he was. Finally, Steve sat up, pushing Tony off him gently, and climbed over him to get out of the bed. Tony panicked, thinking Steve had given up on him already and the Sight had finally failed him.

He calmed down when Steve nudged him over toward the wall instead and climbed back in, pulling Tony against him. Tony obligingly resumed his former position, only on Steve's other side. Within seconds he felt his eyelids drooping. Just as he was about to fall asleep Tony realized what had changed.

Beneath his ear, Steve's heart beat steadily.


	3. Epilogue

_Approximately Three Months Later_

The former Avengers were still on the run. Still fugitives. It wasn't the same as living in Stark Tower, but it wasn't all bad. Tony had reconciled with the newer Avengers and they stayed together more often than not. There was still no word from Thor or Bruce, but Tony wasn't worried. If anyone could take care of themselves, those two could.

Best of all, just over a month ago, Steve told Tony he loved him. Everyday since he made sure to remind Tony of that, never at the same time and usually followed by a kiss. Sometimes Steve would just hold Tony for a while. It interrupted his work, but Tony found he didn't mind those interruptions.

All in all, he was happy. The Sight had come through for him again.

Today Steve had convinced him to go to bed at a reasonable hour, which was how Tony found himself crawling into bed with Steve at ten at night. They'd shared a bed ever since that first night, something Tony had grown very used to. He couldn't sleep alone anymore, accidentally falling asleep at his workbench notwithstanding. So, even though he didn't really feel tired, Tony found himself falling asleep as soon as he heard Steve's steady heartbeat.

Except, something about tonight was different. He fell asleep as easily as usual, but it was restless. Suddenly, he sits straight up in bed and stared out into the darkness. Steve had forgotten to tell him he loved him that day. While Tony was trying to figure out what, if anything, that meant, Steve stirred.

“You okay, Tony?” Steve mumbled sleepily, starting to sit up.

“Yeah, yeah. It's nothing. I'm fine. Go back to sleep.”

“If you're sure.”

“I'm fine, Steve,” Tony said, smiling.

He gently pushed at Steve's shoulder to get him to lie back down. Steve went easily and Tony thought he'd gone back to sleep. What was he supposed to do? Asking Steve about it or pointing out that Steve forgot just made him sound whiny and pathetic. If he didn't ask, though, it would drive him crazy trying to figure out if Steve's forgetfulness was a symptom of a deeper problem.

Tony was jarred out of his thoughts by a definitely not asleep Steve.

“Hey, Tony?”

“Yeah,” Tony said.

“I love you.”

Tony turned his head so fast he feared he might have given himself whiplash until he saw the smirk on Steve's face. If there was one thing Tony had learned about Steve since they're reconciliation it was that he was much more mischievous than he let on. Tony likes seeing Steve's secret smirks when he teases someone or plays dumb about technology whenever the remote goes missing. Now, though, Steve is holding an arm out to him.

“Come here, Tony. You can go back to sleep now.”

Tony obligingly curls back up against Steve's side, feeling his arm curl around him. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. A smile only Steve knew was there because Tony had pressed his face into Steve's chest.


End file.
